How to Communicate With Your Spouse or Significant Other

How to Communicate With Your Spouse or Significant Other



First of all, having arguments here and there is normal behavior in a relationship. In fact, if you aren’t arguing at all, that could pose problems in the relationship later down the road.  Suppressing your emotions or always compromising for the sake of avoiding confrontation is unhealthy. Over time, such behavior could create a much larger issue or confrontation in the future. On the other hand, arguing too much is an obvious sign that something is not right in the relationship as well.  What is the “happy medium?”  How do you balance arguing too little or too much?  Here are some tips on how to quantify the quality of you and your spouse’s communication with one another.

Keeping calm.  It is easy to get worked up about things that you are passionate about.A passionate exchange should not escalate and turn into a screaming match. Try to remain calm and use respectful tones while trying to communicate with one another.

Keeping collected.  This goes hand in hand with keepimg calm. If you are someone who gets worked up easily and tends to lose your train of thought then write things down. If there are issues that are bothering you that you know might lead to a heated discussion you should write it down so you can approach your spouse in a calm, collected manner.

Speak softly, without carrying a big stick.  Sometimes saying nothing at all speaks volumes. It’s easy to want to have a rebuttal every time your spouse brings up a point, but try really hard to just stop and listen. When he or she is done, respond in a calm manner with how it is that you feel about what was just brought up. Listen intently to your spouse. If you really do love and respect him or her they deserve to have your undivided attention.

Leave the past in the past. Constantly dragging up old history gets you nowhere and shows that you haven’t really moved on or forgiven whatever it is that happened. Let it go and move on.

The phrase “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it” holds a lot of truth. You should always choose your words wisely, but you should also pay close attention to how you are saying it. Avoid heavy sighs, eye rolling, snarky or sarcastic comments and name-calling. All are signs that you are uninterested and don’t have respect for how your spouse is feeling.

Pay attention. What it is that your spouse is trying to say?  Pay attention and be empathetic. Don’t downplay their emotions by telling them they are too dramatic, overly sensitive, or that he/she is overreacting. Everyone wants his or her feelings and opinions to be heard. Have respect and listen!


Most people do not like confrontation and it can be easy to sweep problems under the rug. On the other hand, if problems have been building up over time, situations may escalate quickly. Not seeing eye-to-eye all of the time is okay and can be very healthy for the relationship—if it is addressed properly. Just remember to remain respectful of one another and so you can move on and make progress towards the issue at hand.

If you tried all of these suggestions and still find yourself unable to make any progress in your relationship, maybe now is a good time to contact a family professional.

Fernandez, Socci & Nieves Family Law, based in North Andover, MA, also serves Methuen, MA and surrounding areas, including New Hampshire.  The law firm was recently recognized as a “Best Law Firm” from US. News & World Report for 2019, for 3 years in a row.  If you are considering divorce, or have other family law-related concerns such as child custody, mediation / arbitration, modifications, pre-nuptial / post-nuptial, and paternity matters, consider contacting Fernandez, Socci & Nieves Family Law.

For more information and to discuss your situation with an experienced divorce attorney in Methuen, MA, please visit our website. To learn more about the U.S. News & World Report of Fernandez, Socci & Nieves Family Law, click here .

For a family law and divorce consultation in North Andover, MA, 
contact us at Fernandez, Socci & Nieves Family Law

(978) 681-5454 info@fsnfamilylaw.com

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